Andrew K: when we have our “fresh fish” parties do you want to be on the list…for fish that is hours old and makes you cream your pants it is so good
Me: i didn’t even know you had fresh fish parties..but yes i love semen + fish
Andrew K: no seriously sometimes the fish is so good its rediculous
Me: no seriously i love semen + fish
Andrew K: no, seriously
Me: no, seriously
Me: i am spreading wombi’s fresh semen from last night on a trout right now…deal with it
Yim: so i bought some magnum condoms to see how they fit
Yim: they fit
Me: so your penis is magnum?
Yim: magnum is largely marketing i thnk
Yim: its a little wider than a normal condom
Yim: ie the ring
Yim: well thats 6 bucks i wont get back
Yim: bought the smallest number they had which was a 3 pack
Me: um but you can use them so it’s not a waste of money right
Yim: yeah but i dont use condoms with laura.
Me: you should test out the magnum XL
Yim: i tihnkthats for something ridiculous, like 8-9″
Me: you’re afraid to test it aren’t you
Yim: well the thing about testing condoms
Yim: is if it fits
Yim: you feel a sense of accomplishment
Yim: but once you dont fill it
Yim: …
Yim: i have no problem testing it
Yim: but why dampen the high haha
Me: so to be clear
Me: to “test” this
Me: you had to jack off
Me: until you were hard
Me: and then put on the condom?
Yim: yup
Me: you’re such a weirdo
Yim: jacked off to completion to make sure it wouldnt slip or anything
Yim: scientifically rigorous
Me: god this is so going on the blog
Me: I like how you work out all the conditions of the bet but completely gloss over the part where I have to suck your dick.
Yim: I mean, is that such an undesirable event? I’m surprised you even need incentive.
Me: First of all, in general, fellatio is not ever truly desirable to a girl. Also, I think fellatio would nullify our friendship; I might as well just have sex with Welsh while I’m at it.
Yim: But you have 2x the odds!
Me: I’ve just decided that we talk about your penis way too much.
Me: How’s the Koch Institute conference?
ASco: Boring.
Me: Are people just like, jerking the koch off the whole time?
ASco: Ya, I was thinking that we need you here to catch it all.
Me: Like Pokemon.
The Novelist: You don’t write notes and thoughts in the margins of your books?
Me: No.
The Novelist: Why not?
Me: Don’t you think that slows down the reading?
The Novelist: …Do you not like kissing when fucking?
Rory: You know, in the future, everyone might be gay.
Rana: Oh yeah, especially in China.
Me (excited): So I think I might be getting an REU!
Nina: *gasp* Do you put it in your vagina?!
Me: …what?
Nina: Ok, wait, I’m confused.
Me: I sense that.
Me: I’m eating all your Gummy Vites.
Chris: I injected my semen in random ones, so go ahead at your own discretion.
Me: I’m just gonna stay away from cloudy ones. And light-colored ones.
Chris: I drank a lot of water that day, so basically, it’s translucent.
Me: I just ate a whole bunch of light-colored ones. I figure I’m just going to imagine your semen as an extra vitamin. A special protein vitamin. It’s what you tell the ladies anyway.
Lizard: They got in this big fight over the bill from men’s wearhouse.
Me: So not that bad compared to my parents; at least you didn’t have to deal with it.
Lizard: Well my parents got pretty pissed off…I had to stop playing xbox it was so bad.
They were arguing like right in front of me.
Me: …
Lizard: They didn’t block the screen too badly but I couldn’t hear any of the dialogue over their voices and couldn’t really concentrate…had it been a text adventure I could have continued playing.
Me: This is going on my blog.
Lizard: But alas, 3d games are all the rage nowadays.
