things i learned this weekend 1/29/10

1. SoCo and lime shots are not that pussy if you replace the sour mix with the juice from squeezing a lime.
2. The smell of 17 different Scotches will linger horribly in your apartment like a one-night stand with a stage 5 clinger, even after a lot of Febreze.
3. Oddly enough, making out with your roommate lesbian-style will not create as much department gossip as your roommate making out with a random black dude.
4. Making out with a random black dude at a party in front of your ex bf is pretty much the best way to wreak revenge on an ex bf.
5. Strange girls who bum cigarettes now pay it forward with some tongue action.  I am clearly behind the times on smoking etiquette.
6. IHOP not only serves pancakes, but also, cockblock sandwiches.
7. You can, in fact, call 911 even if it’s not an emergency.
8. Only one fireman from Cambridge, MA can fit in our hallway at a time.  Two cannot pass each other.
9. It is somehow obvious to emergency responders that we went to MIT, despite no telltale paraphernalia in our living room and no penises in our pants.
10. In contradiction to the tenets of He’s Just Not That Into You, sometimes guys really don’t make the first move, even if they like you.
11. The roommate upgrade is, surprisingly, totally doable (sexually).
12. When most people make drunken mistakes, they wake up in a bed next to some dude.  When I make a drunken mistake, I wake up alone next to my vibrator.
13. Red wine flip cup is actually not as hard as it sounds.  When you’re playing.  About an hour later, you’re glad it wasn’t a core class in grad school because you’d have to fail that one too.
14. The reverse flip cup.
15. Sentence structure plays an important role in the mechanism of persuasion.  “Do it, you won’t!” somehow exerts infinitely more peer pressure than “you won’t do it”.
16. No matter how insane or unique your coat looks, it can and will be stolen at a club.
17. Don’t ever wager a bet with Matt Smith.  You WILL lose.

Advertisement